The Scary Battle
by Taceysay
Summary: A rather pathetic stab at humor. A terrible battle between Munkustrap and Macavity, along with a few slaps from Bombalurina, whining of a few other cats, and the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat. R & R Please!
1. Chapter 1

Munkustrap had barely gotten into the Jellicle Junkyard when Alonzo hit him with the news.

"Did you hear?" he asked, and Munkustrap could tell by his tone of voice that something was wrong. "Did you hear? Last night, when I was out with the guys—you know, the Rum Tum Tugger and Tumblebrutus and Plato—we were talking with Demeter and Bombalurina and then Macavity showed up and tried to kidnap Demeter!"

"What? Again?" Munkustrap exclaimed. "How's Demeter? Is she all right? What did you do?"

"Well," Alonzo began. "Demeter screamed and the Rum Tum Tugger took off. Plato fainted and me and Tumblebrutus just stood there. But then, Bombalurina whopped Macavity one good and he took off. Demeter was fine." He paused, then added, "Really fine."

"Blast," Munkustrap frowned. "That Mystery Cat is really getting on my nerves. Who knows what would've happened if Bombalurina hadn't been there with you pansies? All right, that does it. We have to find a way to put an end to Macavity's evil deeds. Call a Jellicle Meeting," he instructed. "We're going to put a stop to this."

So Alonzo spread the word that there was going to be a Jellicle Meeting The Jellicle Cats came and they gathered in the largest part of the Junkyard. Old Deuteronomy took his place on the Tire and while the others settled in, Munkustrap explained to him the situation. He agreed that something must be done about Macavity as he himself was rather tired of being thrown into nets and dragged off in the middle of things. So, when everyone arrived and found a place to sit, Old Deuteronomy asked for their attention.

"May I have your attention, please?" he began and everyone gave theirs to him. "Munkustrap has called this Jellicle Meeting for a very good reason. Some of you may already know about Macavity's attempted abduction of Demeter last night."

"He's a fiend in feline shape!" exclaimed Jellylorum. "Is there no limit to his evil?"

"There has to be," Munkustrap replied. "And we need to find it. That is why I have asked you all out here this evening. Macavity must be stopped and he must be stopped now, before he actually manages to abduct Demeter, or anyone else. But we don't know how to do that yet. So, we need to start brainstorming some ideas. The Rum Tum Tugger will act as our secretary."

He gestured to his right where the Rum Tum Tugger sat with an old piece of wrapping from a deli order and a broken red Crayola crayon.

"So," said Munkustrap. "Let's begin. First of all, does anybody know any of Macavity's weaknesses?"

"Well, I don't know about Macavity," said Bustopher Jones. "But my weakness is a steaming plate of prime rib, juicy and doused in spices… A side of mashed potatoes and turkey gravy, stuffing and buttered corn… Or perhaps a slab of salmon with lemon, peas and carrots and green beans… White bread and butter and red wine…"

"Enough already!" Tumblebrutus interrupted. "You're making me hungry! And some of us don't have the money to afford all that!"

"Okay, anyway," Munkustrap intervened. "Back to the topic at hand: What are Macavity's weaknesses?" No one answered for a moment until one of the Kittens spoke up.

"Maybe he's afraid of Dogs," Electra suggested. "Almost all Cats are afraid of Dogs. Maybe he is, too."

"No, not any Dogs we could get to help us," Coricopat answered. "Macavity's been known to stifle Pekes. And larger Dogs don't normally see him as a threat, so they don't bother with him."

"A Cat that's not afraid of Dogs?" Jemima said, wide-eyed. "That's amazing! I've never heard of such a thing!"

Munkustrap lifted his head at this. "Oh, but I have," he said, and everyone looked at him curiously. "I've heard of a Cat who doesn't fear Dogs. You all know of him, too: The Great Rumpus Cat!"

There was a murmur through the crowd and Old Deuteronomy had to task for their attention again.

"I see," Old Deuteronomy said thoughtfully when everyone had settled down again. "You wish to contact the Great Rumpus Cat and request that he put an end to Macavity's evil. Is this correct?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking," Munkustrap nodded. "I think the Rumpus Cat would have the best chance out of all of us of stopping Macavity. He was, after all, able to intervene in the Awful Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles. What say you all?"

Everyone there agreed that the Great Rumpus Cat should be deployed to face Macavity. All the Jellicles had come to see him as a great hero, and they were confident that, somehow, he would be able to free them of their fear of the Hidden Paw.

"You got all that?" Munkustrap asked the Rum Tum Tugger.

"Hmm? What?" the Rum Tum Tugger asked, looking up from his deli paper. Munkustrap sighed and took the paper away from him.

"What? These aren't minutes of the Meeting!" he exclaimed, looking it over. "This is just an ego-driven sketch of you with crudely-drawn muscles!"

"Can I have it?" asked Etcetera.

"Does anyone know where to find the Great Rumpus Cat?" Asparagus spoke up. "I heard he doesn't have a home and instead wanders around the globe, searching for Cats who need his help."

"Oh, poppycock," Jennyanydots frowned. "He lives in an old box outside of City Hall. We can send someone to get him right now if we wanted to."

"That's exactly what we need to do," Munkustrap confirmed. "Coricopat, you and Tantomile and Mr. Mistoffelees go down to City Hall and see if you can bring him back here. The rest of you stick around until they return. We'll vote on a new secretary."

Coricopat, Tantomile, and Mr. Mistoffelees then left, knowing exactly where City Hall was because all three of them were psychic. The fact that they had all been there before was irrelevant. When they arrived, they found the Great Rumpus Cat stretched out in his cardboard box, fast asleep. They woke him up and he seemed rather displeased, but when he heard that Old Deuteronomy and Munkustrap wanted to see him, he agreed to accompany the three psychics back to the Jellicle Junkyard. When they arrived, Old Deuteronomy gathered the Jellicles again and Jellylorum took her new position as secretary.

"Welcome, Rumpus Cat," Munkustrap said, raising his paw in greeting. "How are you this evening?"

"Please," said the Rumpus Cat. "Call me the Great Rumpus Cat."

Munkustrap frowned. "Very well. Welcome, the Great Rumpus Cat. How are you this evening?"

"Great," said the Great Rumpus Cat. "Very great indeed." He puffed out his chest as he looked around at all the Jellicles around him. "So tell me, Monkeywhatsit," he said. "Why is it that you have summoned me to this filthy waste dump?"

Munkustrap's frown deepened. "We've summoned you to our home," he said. "To address an ongoing problem we've been having."

"Oh?" the Great Rumpus Cat pondered. "And what might that be? Perhaps another awful battle involving Pekes and/or Pollicles? I'm sure I can handle whatever it is that you can't."

"Anybody have a pin so we can deflate his ego?" Ademetus mumbled to the others.

"Well, you see," Old Deuteronomy began. "We are in desperate need of assistance in getting rid of a most troublesome Cat, namely one known as Macavity."

The Great Rumpus Cat jumped slightly and looked as though he had choked on his tongue. "M-Macavity?" he stuttered. "The Hidden Paw?" He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then adorned his arrogant puffed posture again. "No, no, of course not," he said, nodding to himself. "We can't possibly be thinking of the same Macavity. You obviously must be referring to someone else."

"No, we're definitely thinking of the same Macavity," Mr. Mistoffelees replied. "He's called the Hidden Paw."

"For he's the master criminal who can defy the law," Alonzo added. "Hey, are you sure you can handle this, man?"

"I am not a man!" the Great Rumpus Cat snapped. "I am the Great Rumpus Cat!"

"Regardless whether you're a Cat or a Possum," Jennyanydots intervened. "We are requesting that you assist us in our plight. Now, shall you help us or shan't you?"

The Great Rumpus Cat straightened himself and did the Cat's equivalent to pursing one's lips. Then, he said, "Are you sure this is the same Macavity?"

There was a community groan and sigh. "Yes, we're sure this is the same Macavity!"

The Great Rumpus Cat paused as he thought. "Really? The very same whose powers of levitation would make a fakir stare? The Napoleon of Crime?"

"Yes!" Munkustrap answered, sounding exasperated. "That Macavity! There's no one like Macavity! Now will you help us or not?"

"I don't understand," Jemima thought aloud. "How can a Cat who isn't afraid of Dogs be afraid of another Cat?"

"Afraid?" the Great Rumpus Cat exclaimed. "I never said I was afraid! Who said I was? I am the Great Rumpus Cat! I'm not afraid of anything!" He turned to Munkustrap and declared, "All right, Monkeywhatsit! I'll show you! I'll get rid of this Macavity!"

A cheer rose up from the Jellicles and the Great Rumpus Cat beamed proudly. Jellylorum drew a big 'X' over her drawing of Macavity and then sketched the Great Rumpus Cat above it. Munkustrap shook the Great Rumpus Cat's paw.

"So, how're you going do it?" Pouncival inquired excitedly.

The Great Rumpus Cat turned to him. "Uh, what?" he asked, squinting his blazing eyes at him.

"How're you going do it?" Pouncival inquired again. "How're you going to stop Macavity?"

"Oh well, I uh," the Great Rumpus Cat stuttered, and then cleared his throat. "I haven't gotten that far yet. But don't you worry, Young Tom, I'll figure it out soon enough!" He laughed a hearty laugh and the Jellicles felt that they could all rejoice. They began to dance, which was their favorite method of rejoicing. The Great Rumpus Cat, who was above dancing, perched himself on the Boxes in front of the Tire on which Old Deuteronomy sat. The Jellicles danced and danced until a sudden and loud Crash sent most of them scurrying.

"Macavity!" Demeter shrieked and ran after Bombalurina, who was ducking for cover.

"What? Where?" the Great Rumpus Cat demanded, pushing himself up against the Tire. "That's not fair! I'm not ready yet! I'm not ready!"

Most of the Jellicles had cleared the area, save for Munkustrap, who was looking around for any sign of the Hidden Paw, and Old Deuteronomy and the Great Rumpus Cat, who had not moved from their respective positions. A moment passed and Munkustrap began to relax a bit.

"I don't think…he's really here," he said cautiously, but his eyes never stopped scouring the dark piles of garbage.

"Is it safe to come out then?" asked the Rum Tum Tugger, who had tried to hide himself in the Old Red Pipe.

"Ha!" the Great Rumpus Cat declared. "Of course it's safe! That monster of depravity wouldn't dare show his face while the Great Rumpus Cat is here!"

Then there was another great Crash and the Great Rumpus Cat had joined the Rum Tum Tugger in the Pipe. Munkustrap looked in the general direction from which the Crash had come and saw two orange heads pop out from behind the Rocking Chair.

"Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer!" Munkustrap exclaimed.

"They're a notorious couple of Cats," Old Deuteronomy commented.

"Of course!" the Great Rumpus Cat said. "Of course it was Mangoberry and Rumplestiltskin! I knew that! I was just…making sure that there was nobody sneaking in through the back of this here Pipe thing."

"Yeah, sure," the Rum Tum Tugger nodded. "Now move! You're suffocating my mane! It's got to have room to grow, you know." He pushed the Great Rumpus Cat so that he fell into a heap at the entrance of the Pipe. The Great Rumpus Cat collected himself and returned to his position on the Boxes.

Munkustrap turned angrily to Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. "The two of you are getting out of control. You scared everyone! And to make up for it, you can go collect them all again."

"Aw, come on now, Munkustrap!" Rumpleteazer groaned. "That isn't fair at all! It was Mungojerrie that made all the racket!"

"Hey, what now?" Mungojerrie demanded. "How's that again?"

"Stop this nonsense and do as you were told," Old Deuteronomy intervened. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer hung their heads but complied. While they were gone, the Great Rumpus Cat cleared his throat to prepare for future declarations and the Rum Tum Tugger slinked out of the Pipe to fluff up his mane. One by one the Jellicle Cats returned until everyone was present and accounted for.

"Now, where were we?" Munkustrap inquired.

"We were at my spinning solo," Mr. Mistoffelees answered.

"Which one?" Plato asked.

"Don't you realize that there are more important matters at hand here?" the Great Rumpus Cat broke in. "You can dance when your Junkyard home is safe again! Now, I think I have a plan." He nodded confidently. "Yes, but I will need a few of you to assist me. I think I'll take you, you, you…" He pointed each time at Mr. Mistoffelees, Skimbleshanks, and Tumblebrutus. "And that thing," he said, pointing at the Rum Tum Tugger.

"What? Me? What for?" the Rum Tum Tugger demanded.

"I'll show you when we get to where we need to be," the Great Rumpus Cat replied. "Oh, and we'll need you, too," he added, pointing at Demeter.

"I was afraid of that," Demeter sighed.

"Yes well," Munkustrap said. "Just be careful. All of you."

"There's absolutely nothing to worry about, Monkeywhatsit!" the Great Rumpus Cat said. "I have absolutely everything under control!"

Munkustrap watched as the Great Rumpus Cat led the group of indicated Jellicles around the Oven and out of sight. "Maybe," he said. "I should go with them. Just in case."

The Great Rumpus Cat led them to the edge of the Junkyard where he had them construct a box with a trip mechanism that shut the lid. They laid it on its side and the Great Rumpus Cat instructed Demeter to sit inside. He explained that when Macavity wandered in, they would slam the lid shut and pull Demeter out the back.

And so, Demeter crawled inside the box and Skimbleshanks set the trip mechanism. The Toms all hid behind various piles of garbage, watching. Several hours passed; the Rum Tum Tugger fell asleep and Mr. Mistoffelees amused himself and Tumblebrutus by making little sparks with his paws. Finally, around daybreak, Skimbleshanks spoke up.

"You know," he said. "Macavity's not an idiot."

"This is true," Munkustrap agreed. "I'm not sure that he'd fall into such an obvious trap."

"What're you talking about?" the Great Rumpus Cat demanded. "This is an excellent trap! How could he not fall for it?"

While they were distracted, the box lid suddenly slammed shut and Demeter squealed. The Toms jumped out, running to the back of the box to pull her out. But when Tumblebrutus opened it up, they found that it was not Macavity after all.

"The Rum Tum Tugger!" Munkustrap exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

The Rum Tum Tugger did his very best to look innocent. "She looked lonely."

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" Munkustrap frowned, turning to the Great Rumpus Cat. "We need a new plan. What do you suggest?"

The Great Rumpus Cat frowned back at him. "My plan was not ridiculous!" he countered. "Your Rin Tin Tin there is ridiculous! If it weren't for him, it might've worked!"

"Like a steamless steam engine," Skimbleshanks said. "I second the notion of a new plan."

Mr. Mistoffelees and Tumblebrutus agreed, and the Rum Tum Tugger reluctantly crawled out of the box when Munkustrap gestured for him to move. Munkustrap then helped Demeter out.

The Great Rumpus Cat gave a great sigh. "Fine, if you dislike my plan that much, I'll think up a new one." He perched himself on the box and thought for a moment. Then, he raised his paw and exclaimed, "I've got it!" He leapt down and addressed Munkustrap. "You take your Jellicles back to the Junkyard. Nobody moves until I get back, got it?"

Munkustrap nodded and he, with the Rum Tum Tugger, Skimbleshanks, Mr. Mistoffelees, Tumblebrutus, and Demeter returned to the Big Tire where all the other Jellicles had been waiting.

"Did you get rid of Macavity?" Jennyanydots inquired.

"No, not yet," Munkustrap answered, shaking his head. "The Rumpus—I mean, the Great Rumpus Cat is going somewhere and should be returning shortly. Until then, we've all been instructed to wait here."

"Very well," Old Deuteronomy said. "I hope everyone can find some non-destructive way to entertain themselves."

"There's that play we've been working on for a while," Pouncival suggested. "It's for you, Old Deuteronomy. Would you like to see it?"

"Oh, but we're not nearly ready to perform that yet," Munkustrap said.

"Come now, Munkustrap," Asparagus spoke up. "Everyone's worked so hard on it. And quite frankly," he added. "I don't think it's going to get any better."

Munkustrap sighed. "All right. If it pleases Old Deuteronomy, we will perform our play."

"Oh, of course," Old Deuteronomy nodded. "I always enjoy your plays, my Jellicles."

"Then everyone take your places!" Munkustrap instructed, and then mumbled something under his breath about a huge, terrible disaster. Since no one else could ever remember the names of their characters, let alone many lines, Munkustrap was always stuck being the plays' narrators. He stood in the empty space that the Jellicles used as a stage and began.

The play he had selected was a heart-warming story about a noble hero, Rimbersam, who braved an entire pack of Dogs and a group of oppressive Humans to rescue his one true love, Chairatat. The Rum Tum Tugger had been elected to play the main part of Rimbersam, although Munkustrap had feverishly fought against it. But the Rum Tum Tugger had had the full support of almost all of the Queens, and the Toms had cowered in fear at their reaction when Munkustrap had suggested using someone with more theatrical… talent. And so now, the Rum Tum Tugger bounded on stage, and a few of the Kittens giggled excitedly.

While Munkustrap recited his lines that reflected Rimbersam's marvelous nobility, the Rum Tum Tugger struck several poses, each one more risqué than the last. Naturally, Old Deuteronomy was not the Rum Tum Tugger's intended audience, but rather Demeter, Bombalurina, Tantomile, and Cassandra, who were seated at the base of the Tire.

Munkustrap continued with the introduction of Rimbersam's true love, Chairatat. It had been Munkustrap's original intention to have the fair lady played by a Cat of equal grace and sophistication, and Cassandra had come to mind. But after the Rum Tum Tugger had been cast as Rimbersam, Etcetera had begun to emit a horribly high-pitched yowl and did not stop until Munkustrap had given in and allowed her to take Chairatat's role. Now, Etcetera scampered in and attached herself, like a leach, to the Rum Tum Tugger's waist. The Rum Tum Tugger, taken by surprise, almost toppled over into Munkustrap, but caught himself and resumed his usual posture of rebellious indifference.

Munkustrap went on to tell how Rimbersam and Chairatat had gone strolling in the park one night, which was rather difficult for the Rum Tum Tugger to do because Etcetera was cutting off the circulation to his back legs. While they were strolling, a group of cruel Humans appeared and scooped Chairatat into a net and took off. Coricopat, Mr. Mistoffelees, and Skimbleshanks came onstage with an old fishing net in which Skimbleshanks' front paw got caught and he stumbled, entangling all three of them. They tumbled over one another until coming to a stop just before the group of Kittens on the sidelines. The Kittens squealed and scattered, and Munkustrap trotted over to help untangle the others.

Once they were untangled, they laid the net over Etcetera. It took all three of them to pry her off of the Rum Tum Tugger and drag her offstage. Munkustrap went on to say that Rimbersam declared that he would find and rescue Chairatat if it was the last thing he did. And so, he began his journey. The Rum Tum Tugger began strutting around the stage until Tumblebrutus, Pouncival, Ademetus, and Plato leapt out, dressed in the same Pollicle costumes from the previous year. Munkustrap explained that on Rimbersam's journey, he was faced with a vicious pack of Dogs that charged out and attacked him. Tumblebrutus, Pouncival, Ademetus, and Plato had eagerly volunteered for these roles and were excited to play them out. The Rum Tum Tugger was quickly surrounded and engulfed by them as they leapt onto his back and pummeled him to the ground. Munkustrap waited for a moment, and then stepped in to separate them all, and the Rum Tum Tugger took refuge behind him as he continued. Rimbersam used his superior intellect to confuse the Pollicle Dogs, losing them in the confusion of the winding back alleys. Tumblebrutus, Pouncival, Ademetus, and Plato looked around as if lost, then went to exit offstage, Pouncival accidentally knocking Plato into Tumblebrutus, who stumbled and fell onto Ademetus.

Munkustrap went on to say that the Humans had taken Chairatat to an awful place with cages and cages of captured Cats. Mr. Mistoffelees, Skimbleshanks, and Coricopat brought Etcetera back onstage, this time trapped under an old laundry basket. Munkustrap told Old Deuteronomy that Rimbersam quietly snuck in and freed Chairatat and told her to run away as he freed the other Cats, with whom he worked to drive off the humans.

While Skimbleshanks, Coricopat, and Mr. Mistoffelees had their backs turned, the Rum Tum Tugger strutted over and tossed aside the laundry basket, which almost struck Skimbleshanks in the head, but the Railway Cat still pretended not to notice. Etcetera tackled the Rum Tum Tugger to the ground with a squeal, and had to once again be peeled away from him. Then, Electra, Victoria, and Jemima, representing the other Cats, leapt onstage to drive off the "Humans". Mr. Mistoffelees, Skimbleshanks, and Coricopat dashed off without incident, and Etcetera ran back onstage, almost strangling the Rum Tum Tugger as she attached herself to him again.

Munkustrap concluded by saying that Rimbersam and Chairatat lived happily ever after together.

"And they got married and lived in a beautiful white house and had dozens and dozens of Kittens!" Etcetera added and the Rum Tum Tugger could not protest because she had cut off his airflow and he was only semi-conscious. Munkustrap gestured to the other actors of the play and they came onstage to do a final bow. Old Deuteronomy smiled politely and nodded, while the Kittens applauded loudly for the Rum Tum Tugger, who had peeled Etcetera off of him and was gasping for air.

A great, sudden Crash sent most of the Jellicles scurrying again and Demeter exclaimed, "Macavity!" Munkustrap assumed his usual protective posture stance in front of Old Deuteronomy, peering in the dark shadows. Some of the other Toms had stayed, looking around cautiously.

"Is she sure this time?" Tumblebrutus inquired, but Alonzo suddenly squealed and pointed above the Old Clock, where Macavity was looking down on them with a sly smirk on his face. Everyone except for Munkustrap and Old Deuteronomy scattered, and Munkustrap began bravely scaling the piles of garbage toward the Mystery Cat. But when he got to the Clock, he discovered that Macavity was not there.

"The Hidden Paw's done it again!" Munkustrap exclaimed.

"How does he do that?" Alonzo inquired from underneath the Car.

Munkustrap leapt back down. "We'd better gather everyone back up quickly. The Great Rumpus Cat should be back soon I would think."

In a matter of minutes, the rest of the Jellicles returned and made themselves comfortable in various spots until the Great Rumpus Cat did indeed come back.

"Just how I left you," he frowned. "Don't you ever do anything? Besides dancing, I mean."

"We gave a great theatrical performance," Munkustrap replied, but his voice was not sincere. "And then, lo and behold, Macavity showed up! Where were you?"

"What?" the Great Rumpus Cat demanded. "Macavity? He was here? Really? It wasn't Merriweather or Rumplestiltskin this time?"

Munkustrap frowned. "No, it was neither Mungojerrie nor Rumpleteazer this time. It was actually Macavity. He was right up there behind you."

The Great Rumpus Cat whirled around as if he had been bitten. "Up there, you say? Macavity, really?"

"Yes! Really!" the Junkyard yelled back.

The Great Rumpus Cat nodded his head as if addressing a room full of toddlers. "I see. Well, I suppose it's time to put my second plan into action. I have everything ready. I just need the bait," He gestured to Demeter. "And my backup." He gestured to the Toms that had accompanied him before. "Follow me!"


	2. Author's Note

Note: The thing is, I'm drained from ideas. I wrote this story on total sugar rush so I might not continue this story. If you have any ideas, that would be greatly appreciated.

So yeah.


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